How to flirt with women on a lesbian dating site

Lesbian couple sharing a romantic moment

I have been a professional lesbian now for at least 16 years solid, and I consider myself well versed in the trials and trib-ulations that come with learning how to not sound like an idiot around beautiful women. Without a doubt the most common question I get asked by baby gays, bisexuals, bicurious and pansexual women is “How do I flirt with women?” Here are my tips for starting a conversation with women online.

Stick to LGBTQ dating sites

Flirting with women in the flesh is obviously the end goal, but a lesbian or LGBTQ dating site is going to be key in getting the conversation rolling in the meantime. Meeting women virtually is far easier than finding them in real life. For starters, you’re able to quickly see who’s not straight and who’s available for dates and relationships – two key factors in your success. Plus by putting your own profile up and joining the queer dating scene, it lets potential dates know that you’re single and ready to scissor.

Don’t hide behind a mask

Resist the urge to curate a persona for you that isn’t actually representative of you. It’s okay to be project a more confident version of yourself, but don’t lie about who you are, what you want and what you stand for. If your conversation progresses to going on dates with your dream girl, it’s going to be weird when your personality starts slipping. You want someone to fall for you, not the fantasy you have projected. Be yourself, stick to your boundaries and don’t pretend to be something you're not. 

Starting with a compliment is a solid tactic

It can be tricky to know how to start a message to someone you’d like to get to know more, or… make lesbian love to with wild abandonment. Maybe don’t start with that.

Start with a simple compliment. Attraction obviously isn’t all about the way a person looks, but let’s be real, on an online dating site, your first exposure to someone is going to be their face. Don’t be a creep by making inappropriate comments about her body or being overtly sexual, just keep it cool, classy and flirty. Tell her that you think she’s a babe, or that you like her style or her sense of humour or you have similar interests – whatever has drawn you in. If she reciprocates, your foot is in the proverbial lesbian door for a chat at least.

Don’t be intense

When we all first start dating women and realise just how magical everything about women is, we can experience a thing I call “lesbian panic”. Basically, lesbian panic occurs when a crush turns into a mutual infatuation and everything moves extremely quickly and suddenly three months have passed and you’ve already moved in together and have booked in for matching tattoos, you're talking about rescuing a cat together and you can’t get enough of each other. LESBIAN PANIC! Enjoy the excitement but don’t force anything that isn’t there. Draw out your dates so that you can get a good idea of who the other person is and their values. Hold off on the matching tats until at least the six month mark.

Put yourself out there

As a newly-out lesbian or bisexual woman, the idea of asking a woman out on a date for the first time can be a nerve-wracking concept. Women are so intimidating. I’m convinced every woman who has ever had a crush on another woman thinks her crush was out of her league. However, you have to put yourself out there to get results. After all, there’s only so much talking and flirting you can do online. Meeting in person for a coffee or a drink is an easy way to quickly assess whether there’s chemistry or not. So take the plunge and ask her out. There’s nothing sexier than confidence and someone else making the first move. Plus, real-life-flirting has more chance of ending with nudity.

Accept rejection

Women are going to ignore your messages or worse, stop replying to you and disappear during the middle of an interaction you thought was actually going somewhere. That’s life – don’t sweat it. If she says no – so be it. Know it’s not a reflection on you and take rejections in your stride. Understand that everybody’s got their own journey happening. Think of each interaction as flirt practice for the next woman you meet.

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