You’ve met a hot babe on Lesbian Match Maker, you’ve exchanged a bunch of messages and she’s asked you if you want to meet up. Woo! Whether it’s your first girl-on-girl date or you’ve been out of the game for a while and you’re ready to immerse yourself head first into the sea of beautiful queer babes that exist out there, here are a few basics and practicals to keep in mind when organising and heading into a first lesbian date.
Keep the conversation online brief
Don’t get too carried away before you meet up. Keep the conversation online brief, with a push to continuing it in person. As women into women, some of us have a tendency to abide by the lesbian stereotype of diving in hard, fast and deep to new relationships. There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s a right fit, but you’re unlikely to determine that digitally. Spending five minutes with a stranger in person is going to tell you a whole lot more about them than hours of intense messaging. Plus, you don’t want to go into a date with someone, after having bared your lesbian heart and soul, only to realise you have zero chemistry. Awkward.
Pick a good date location
Keep it simple. The point of a first date is to get a sense of each other, and see whether you want to see each other again. Pick a location where you can get to know each other one-on-one without distraction. Don’t pick a location or activity where you’ll be focussing on something other than each other – like a movie, a dance party or a crowded bar. Don’t plan too long of a date either. Keep the first date short and simple and start with a coffee. If the date is terrible or you feel like you’d experience more chemistry with a baked potato, you can get out of the date in 20 minutes or so. Or if the date is good, you can hang around or go and do something else together afterwards.
Just be yourself
Dates are inherently odd. The best thing you can do is to go into it with a positive attitude and without an expectation. Also, just be yourself! Of course, you want to go into the date being the best version of yourself (the one that’s washed her hair, put on a shirt without a mayonnaise stain and isn’t still stalking her hot redheaded ex on Facebook). But make sure you’re still being yourself. Dress how you would normally dress and talk like you would normally talk. Don’t try pretend to be something you're not, don’t pretend to be a vegan and don’t pretend you want to hang out with her three felines if you’re allergic to cats. Let’s just say the day I ran out of antihistamines was an awkward day.
Keep the conversation light
This is an important one. Navigating conversations and keeping the banter flowing can be a tricky one on a first date. That’s to be expected when you go from messaging to meeting a stranger and feeling like you’re interviewing each other for romantic compatibility. Keep the conversation light, casual and friendly. Ask about things she’s written about on her profile. Ask her where she grew up, what show she last binged on Netflix, her feelings on astrology, how she’s finding online dating, where she gets her hair cut, what her favourite conspiracy theory is – whatever. Stick to topics about work, hobbies and passions. Listen intently, ask questions and share your own stories. Purposefully avoid heavy, personal and intense conversations on a first date. Save the deeper conversations for down the track.
Put your phone away
It should be an obvious point, but resist the urge to touch your phone when you’re on a date. Playing with your phone is a social crutch and is a huge red flag on a date. If you’re on your phone, you’re telling your date that you’re either a workaholic, bored, a crap listener, you’re disinterested in the date or you’re obsessed with checking your likes on social media – none of which are attractive traits. Turn your phone to silent and focus your attention on her. Your phone will still be there after the date.
Not all dates lead to love
Dating should be a fun experience. It’s a way for you to meet other likeminded women, practice your flirting game and expand your lesbian circle. A single date may lead to nothing, a few dates or a long-term relationship. Just take each date for what it is. If you’re not feeling the vibe, be honest with your date. Don’t commit to a second date or say you’re going to call when you don’t intend to. Keep it real and have fun exploring the wonderful world of dating women.